Fattie Fall Fashion 2011 Edition

Oh, Fall, I love thee so.

Only thing I despise (besides raking leaves) is matching up socks because I have to put my flip-flops away. That’s a sad day for all.

About this time, I lust after a new wardrobe. I don’t really have that many cold-weather items that I love anyway so I always find myself window shopping for them even though I have no cash flow for which to stock my closet. Thus I give you fall items I’m lusting after and would buy if I were rich.

I don’t really shop at Nordstrom (see money issue above), but they have really stepped up their game in the plus-size department. There were several items where I went , “SQUEE, SO CUTE!”

I am just loving flowy dresses. Does this dressscream Fall or what?

Ellen Tracy Belted Chiffon Dress
$138.00
Nordstrom

ECI Tie Neck Stretch Silk Shirtdress
$168
Nordstrom

I have always lusted after sweater dresses. I have never found one that was actually looked good on me (I end up looking super frumpy and boxy), but maybe this is the one? A girl can hope, right?

Love Squared Short Sleeve Cable Sweaterdress
$64.00
Macy’s

I don’t generally have that much luck with sweaters in general. Lots of plus-size ones are just big and bulky and seem to have one goal in mind: Cover up the fattie! I want mine to be cute, dammit! Plus-size sweaters tend to lack any pattern at all. The “regular” sizes will have cute designs, but then, starting with 1X, they go to just one solid color. UGH. This is why I tend to just layer a lot. And cardigans tend to OK for the most part.

Super adorable.

American Rag Plus Size Cardigan
$49.00
Macy’s

I love cute jackets. I have a khaki corduroy one that I got at Old Navy years and years ago that I still wear. It has seen better days, but I just can’t give it up yet. Here are some other ones that I’m crushing on. I don’t really understand why all of these don’t have long sleeves, but they are so cute to make a big deal about details.

Charcoal Stripe Jacket
$64.50
Torrid

I really wish this one didn’t have a hood! Otherwise, it’s super cute!

Black and White Stripe Jacket with Hood 
$58.50
Torrid

I have always wanted cool rain boots. My gigantic feet and colossus calves have generally thwarted my attempts, but the Avenue has come through! I’m not a big fan of animal print, but I think they are pretty adorable, plus they go up to my size (12) which I can NEVER find in anything that looks remotely feminine (read hunting boots). So I’ll probably give them a chance (especially because they are on sale now).

Moxee Leopard Rain Boots
$49.90 ($39.99 right now)
Avenue

Why can’t these come in any other colors??? Gray or black? I mean really. I got super cute tall (gray) boots last year, now I just need short boots … guess I’m still looking. Oh, I didn’t even realize, but these don’t even come in my size. Torrid shoes normally go up to 12, must be the “Fergi” label … guess I’m glad they don’t have them in black. I’ll keep a look out for similar ones though.

Fergalicious by Fergie
Val Brown Double Buckle Ankle Boot
$70.00
Torrid

Well, that’s it for now … I’ll just be over here drooling.

Diet Talk is a No-No

Diet Talk.

Those are two horrible little words. I face it, you face it, we face it. Hell, you might even be the guilty party.

Oh, you know the ones, the people in your life that CAN’T STOP talking about their diet — what diet they are on, which one you need to get on, etc. “No, actually I don’t need to know how many carbs you can eat.”

Well, I’m sick of it. I don’t want to hear about it. I DON’T CARE.

Diet. Don’t diet. It’s your call.

I think people assume that just because I am fat I can relate to how they are feeling. Clearly I am on a diet, too. How dare I carry around this much weight and not try to starve myself.  

Let me just get this out there. I am NOT on a diet. I DON’T plan to ever go on a diet. I don’t even want you saying that word around me unless you are using it in a positive manner.

POSITIVE: “So, I’m totally going to try to add more organic food into my diet.”
NEGATIVE: “Oh, I can’t eat that cookie, I’m on this new diet where I can only eat stuff that begins with z.”

I can’t relate. I just can’t. You know what happens when I’m hungry? I eat. You know what happens when I want a cookie? I eat a cookie. I eat a cookie and don’t feel guilty about it. And when I’m eating my cookie, don’t try to guilt trip me. I will probably just flaunt my cookie at you in response (“Yum, this is the best cookie EVER,”) and we don’t need that. I would win the cookie war.

My mom would always go on different diets when I was growing up. She has battled with her weight for as long as I can remember. These diets would be ridiculous. Does anyone remember The Cabbage Soup Diet? Basically, she made a shit ton of this cabbage soup and then that’s all she could eat. You could eat as much of it as you wanted, but that’s all you could eat.

My philosophy on diets is this: I would rather be fat and happy and die young than live forever on just cabbage soup. Clearly I was not meant for this world if to be in it I can only eat cabbage soup. No, Thank You.

So what prompted this post/bitching session?

At work, they have started a Weight Watchers group. Fine. If you are interested, great, go to the meetings. But it’s not just as simple as a couple of posters and an e-mail or two. They have sent out a TON of e-mails, there are always posters up about it and apparently they can draw the fee directly from our checks. Yeah! Glory Day!

I’m not being targeted because the e-mails are clearly being sent to everyone at my work, but I’m worried that it will come to that. Like one day they are going to send out special invites to the all the fatties in the office or something. I know it’s irrational, but the way they have been bombarding us with the WW propaganda you would start to question it, too.

So to sum it up … diet talk is bad. Umkay?

In my formative fat years …

Me as a teenager

I always hear fatties talking about how they were picked on as children, ridiculed as teenagers, and had all-around bad experiences being young and fat. Perhaps I am the exception, but I wasn’t. There are one or two times that I can point out as someone being mean to my face about my weight in my youth. Two times. And while this might be the case, I was not happy-go-lucky. Most of my hate came from within my family. Between my father and I, well, we pretty much had it covered.

I always hated my weight when I was younger. I really started packing on the pounds in middle school, and then it went up from there.

I remember vividly in high school, after I hit about 180 pounds, vowing to myself that I would kill myself if I ever hit 200 pounds. Now, this didn’t happen as I weigh much more than 200 pounds now and am still alive, but that illustrates how I was feeling at the time. Like if I didn’t stop gaining weight, then I wasn’t worth the air.

I wouldn’t allow myself to wear anything without sleeves. Be it dresses or tank tops, it must have sleeves. Why would I do that to myself? I lived in Georgia! It’s too hot not to wear a tank top. My standard wardrobe consisted of big t-shirts and tapered-leg jeans. Hot, right?

Not that I had many other options. Shopping was always a nightmare. Lane Bryant was skewed way too old and lots of places didn’t even carry my size at all. There was no Juniors Plus section. No Torrid. There wasn’t really any place to go at that period in my life. It would have been nice to have options during my formative years. Perhaps having something that actually fit and was cute would have given me more self-confidence, or maybe not, we shall never know.

Sometimes I would stand in front of the mirror after getting ready, and notice something that I thought was the end of the world, muffin top. I would start to outgrow my pants or I would just try to squeeze into a smaller size. When this would happen, I would either react by changing, going as it, or slapping my belly as hard as I could. I guess I thought that it would make my stomach disappear. It never worked though.

Throughout these years, I would wear my pants too tight. Either I didn’t want to admit to myself that they were too tight and go up the next size, or I figured that is what I deserved. It always seemed like they were too big or too small, and I guess I thought too small looked better. Years of this torture on my stomach resulted in a dark ring around my belly. It has mostly faded now, but the hint of it is still there. Scars from childhood I guess.

As most fat teens, I never thought that I ever had a chance with boys. Why would they like me? Looking back, I’m pretty sure I’ve could have scored a date or two. Hindsight, right?

I never really had any fat friends. ALL of my friends were skinnier. You always see “the fat friend” in movies and on TV, but that’s the role I played in my real life. This didn’t help the clothes situation either. They would also want to go to places that I could fit into. 5-7-9 anyone?  How about 16-18-20? This also gave me a complex about letting people borrow my clothes. I never wanted anyone to know how large my clothes actually were. Looking back, I can’t help but shake my head at how ridiculous that sounds.

I was never a big dieter. I hated my weight, but I didn’t really do anything about it. My mother and grandmother dieted a lot and it never seemed to work for them, so I guess I figured, why would it work for me? Sometimes I would get on these kicks where I decided to write down my weight every day. I would try to work out using some of my mom’s tapes, like “Richard Simmon’s Sweatin’ to the Oldies” or Cher’s workout video, a couple of times and then see what happened. Problem being that it would never last more than a week.

I actually did play sports and was active. I played outside all the time, was on the soccer team and in marching band, but I was still fat.

My grandmother still battles with her weight today. She is a “I’m not going to do X until I lose weight,” keeping the skinny jeans, try every diet out there kind of person. She would give my mom weight-loss books and then tell her to give it to me when she was finished. She never really came right out and said anything but it was just slight things like that that would get under my nerves so bad. And still do until this day.

My father was always on me about my weight. He would constantly talk about how I was too big and needed to lose it, how I shouldn’t be eating that, etc. This continued until right before my freshman year in high school. His constant berating had gotten to me and this one fight got to be too much. I locked myself in the bathroom and then we screamed at each other through the door. Through a face full of tears, I finally stood up to my father and told him to stop it. I’ve had to do it a few times since, but that was the first time I told him to not say those things to me anymore. Since then, I’ve has to use such lines as, “I’m happy how I am, please stop bringing it up,” etc.

Course, he was even harder on my mother. My mother was always bigger growing up, and still is. A couple of times, she has lost a bunch of weight, but has always gained it back.

My parents would get into the worst arguments. Screaming and yelling. My father was an alcoholic and he would blame his drinking on my mother’s weight. As he saw it, she gained weight after marriage and the pregnancy to punish him, and so he drank. My mother sought comfort in food because of my father’s drinking. And round and round they went.

Moral of the story to a young girl: Food is comforting and by eating food I was going against the man. Perhaps it isn’t so cut and dry, but it has definitely left me with some food issues. If I have had a bad day or I’m stressed, it is still an easy solution to turn to food.

I have never been the one to eat a whole pizza or eat a ton of candy all the time. I would definitely have food guilt when my friends and I would go to the food court at the mall. “If I order fries, then everyone will just think, ‘Look at that fattie with the fries. That’s why she is fat!'” And I would never order more than my friends did. If I was still hungry, I would suck it up until such time that I was alone and then I would eat freely. My one friend was rail thin and would eat a whole pizza. She ate constantly and never changed. I just didn’t understand it. Why couldn’t I be like that, too? Body envy as a child is normal I think, but metabolism envy? Maybe not.

I know you are probably expecting some moral to the story, some shining pearl of wisdom that will help you accept who you are, but sadly I don’t have one, but I am living proof that you can make things turn around — a teen fattie can become a big beautiful woman.

All I can say is that it’s a really long, hard battle to finally accept your body and who you are, but oh, is it worth it.

Shopping with a once-fat

Recently, I went shopping with a once-fat.

When I agreed to go, it didn’t cross my mind that shopping would be any different from how it normally was — oh, how I was wrong.

Perhaps a little background: My friend was always a big girl. Not big, big, but big enough to fit in the smaller sizes at Torrid (0-1). Since I fit a 2, I loved this. Since then though, she has lost a lot of weight and wears a regular-sized medium.

It can be hard going shopping with “regular”-sized friends. Shopping with different-sized friends means either (a) we split up and go to (usually) opposite sides of the store or (b) both go to each section together.

Let’s look at option (a): Now, maybe it’s just me, but I can’t stand splitting up. I mean, really, why go shopping together if you weren’t going to go shopping together. But, the other option isn’t good either.

Let’s look at option (b): I always feel like I’m boring my friend. Of course, she wouldn’t want to go to the “womens” section. I don’t even want to go there. It’s where ugly clothes go to die. It’s like friend abuse. I always try to hurry up when it’s my turn. (Not that it’s that hard because the “misses” section is always like 10 times bigger than the plus-size section.) It doesn’t matter if it’s the most understanding friend that actually helps pick out clothes — I always feel bad.

And when it’s the other friend’s turn, sometimes they don’t realize that I can’t fit into anything in the section (perhaps in the entire store). A fat can only look at so many accessories (socks, jewelry, hats, etc.) before I go insane!

You are probably thinking, “Why is she whining? Just go by yourself.” My answer to you: I can, but it’s not as fun. What if I think something that is actually ugly is the best thing ever and it’s on clearance and I can’t take it back when someone else, that can actually see how ugly it is, tells me so after I get it home? Who can tell me that the skirt isn’t too short but shows off my legs and makes my ass look great? Friends are the best shopping buddies.

Perhaps, I just feel a little sad. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy for my friend, but I can’t help but feel like we’ve lost a connection. We always bitched about the “plus-size” offerings, how most of the stores didn’t carry the sizes, how we get in trouble at Torrid by spending too much, etc. Now, I can mention it, but she can’t relate. She can shop wherever she wants. I fully realize that I am a bit jealous — not of the weight loss, but just that she has so many more shopping options now.

The shopping trip was still fun, but a lot different. I already miss the old times … when we were both fat.

Fat friends already know they are fat

Fat friends. We all have them. I am one.

Do I need to be told that I’m fat? No, I think I know. Thanks though!

The Daily Mail recently wrote about the survey of 3,000 women for Tanita, in conjunction with National Obesity Week, that found that every woman has two friends she thinks are overweight. One problem with this survey is are the woman’s friends actually overweight or does she just think that they are? I don’t think that putting your body issues on others is really a good idea. You could just be creating body issues for them. Aren’t friends supposed to be supportive?

The survey said that they would never tell their friends that they think they are fat. Again, why would you need to talk about it? Unless the woman gained a large amount of weight in a short amount of time (and is not pregnant) and you think there is something wrong (i.e. she is sick or has had something traumatic happen) should you ever discuss her weight. A good rule — unless she brings it up, don’t mention it.

Instead of pointing it out and suggesting she do something to shed the excess pounds, they simply continue to compliment and flatter their plump friends.

When did women feel the need to be their friends trainer? If it’s really a big deal, why are you even friends? I don’t need to be complimented and flattered. If you don’t believe it, don’t say it. False flattery is worse than no flattery at all. Fatties don’t need handouts.

A fourth of the women choose to tell their friends, with horrible results…

12 per cent said their friend was “devastated” and a further 10 per cent said they “burst into tears” on hearing the advice.

What did they expect to happen?

Maybe something more like this: “Oh, thanks Shelley. I really didn’t know I was fat. Now that you brought it up, I’ll get right on losing that extra weight. I really haven’t been trying to do anything about it. I really don’t have to battle with my fat all the time. Thanks for understanding.”

A spokesman for the company, which provides precision weighing equipment, said: “This shows girlfriends talk to each other about their bodies, weight issues and dress size on a daily basis. However, whilst girls are comfortable talking about their own weight and criticising themselves, in truth, most girls would not be able to cope with a friend telling them they needed to slim down.”

Again, I don’t think it’s really my friends business. It’s my fat. My friends can bring up my weight whenever they want and I’m generally an open book but when they do bring it up, it’s not to tell me to lose weight. It might be to find out where I shop or something. And if they did tell me to lose weight, I would tell them that I like my fat and that would be the end of the discussion.

It’s my body. If I love my fat body, then that’s on me.

My friends respect me and my wishes. And if your friends don’t, you may need to ask yourself if they really are your friends.

New fat fashion lines!

My friend recently sent me a link to The New York Times article about fashion designers actually designing plus size fashion. You can read it here.

Love the article, and it brought to my attention a few new options that are opening for fat fashion…

A model in a Target Pure Energy dress.

Target is bringing a new line to their stores called Pure Energy. The dress above is from that collection.

The problem I have with Target is they used to have cute stuff and then took it all away — are they just going to do that again? I hope not. Just like when Old Navy took out all the plus size stuff from their stores. That was a sad day.

Most of the Targets around me didn’t have any of the Pure Energy clothes — they were just listed as “Not in stock.” So I’m not sure if the line just hasn’t come here yet, or what. Plus side on this, there were quite a few pieces online and you can return any online purchase to the store. I plan on ordering some of the cute dresses that I saw and trying it out.

Screen capture of Evans Web site

Beth Ditto, the lead singer of Gossip, who I just love, is going to be designing a collection for Evans — an awesome looking company. They carry sizes 12-32. While I am very excited and actually didn’t know about this company beforehand, there are no stores here in United States. They are mostly located in the UK.

There is a Web site, but between the currency conversion and shipping (their site does say it’s generally $15 to ship to the States, which actually isn’t that bad), I’m not sure I would be getting a very good deal. But if I ever find myself in England, I am so going.

Screen capture of some of the items in Forever 21’s Faith 21 Line

Something else I hadn’t heard before — Forever 21 — (you read that right) now has a plus-size line called Faith 21. They launched it in May.

Looking online, there seems to be quite a few cute things — at really good prices! While there seems to extensive collection, only a handful of stores carry the line so far. Luck is on my side on this one though, a mall near me carries the line. I will report back as soon as I go.

I love that more companies are realizing that all fat people don’t want to wear sacks all the time — we want as the article puts it: “to wear the same clothes as (our) slimmer counterparts.” I know that there are a few options out there, but very limited ones. I love Torrid to death, but I want some options. Especially cheaper ones!

I can’t wait to go shopping!

That one, big FAT moment

You ever have one thing that happens to you, that one thing that makes you feel fat. I’m not talking the “my pants are a little tight,” “I wish I could fit into that cute shirt,” a tight squeeze in between tables at your favorite restaurant, feeling kind of  fat.

I am talking about feeling FAT — a time when you truly question yourself. It makes you question ever fiber of your being for accepting who you are. You are fat and you have confronted it and have moved on. But it’s not really that easy, is it? As much as the fat acceptance movement, bloggers, other fat people you know, whoever, preaches about loving who you are, we all have a moment (or many moments) when all of that comes crashing down and you question yourself.

I had this happen a couple of weeks ago. I’m not going to go into details too much because it was really at a vulnerable time, but I’m sure you can imagine. After it happened, I swore that I would go on diets, that I wanted to lose weight, and if I did these things, that it would never happen again.

My reaction was out of hate for myself, hate for the situation, hate for what had happened, but most importantly, it was shame. Shame and embarrassment. And when you are hurting, you look for the first easy target. And with most fat people, actually with most people in general, it’s their bodies. The easiest target I have to aim for is my fat.

And so I took aim and I fired. I was really down on myself: criticizing how I looked, how I would let myself get this way, criticizing why I hadn’t changed it, criticizing — basically — my whole way of life. If everything I had ever believed was now bullshit, where could I start?

I cried myself to sleep that night. And eventually, I feel asleep hoping that when I woke up everything would be different.

And as we all know, it wasn’t. I was the same, the thing really happened, and I would have to live with it. I could have chosen to change. I could have tried to make changes to my body — but it would have been because of hate. And if anything, you should never do something out of hate. You’ll probably end up hating yourself later for doing it.

I have since realized that there will come a time in everyone’s life when they’ll be put to a test like this — whether it be for your body, your religion, etc. — and that I could have folded and said, “You know what? Being fat is bad! How could I have been so blind?” And while I may have had a moment (or two) of that, I realized it was only a moment. A really tough, hard moment that I would hate to ever relive, but a moment none the less. A mere moment in a lifetime of fatness.

And if I can learn from that moment, learn to take things like this better, then it was a moment well spent and I came out a better, prouder FAT woman.

Top 10 Hottest Women Size 10 and Up

Scanner made a  list of the  Top 10 hottest women size 10 and up.

Late last year, as men’s magazines were coming out with their hottest women on the planet lists, we started to put together a list of hot, normal-sized women. As much as we hate the idea of having to create a separate list for women size 10 and up, we can’t imagine the editors of FHM or Maxim drooling over a size 10 or 12.

So this is what they came up with ….

10. Keely Shaye Smith

9. Missy Elliott

8. Janet Weiss

7. Sara Ramirez

6. Adele

5. Jennifer Hudson

4. Neko Case

3. Queen Latifah

2. Nigella Lawson

1. Christina Hendricks

What do you think about this list? I think they did a pretty good job. I think the problem is that there are a lot of beauitful bigger women, but they aren’t really in the limelight as much as they should be/as much as others.

One they should have added …

Beth Ditto

She is the lead singer of GOSSIP (GOXXIP). She’s not afraid to put herself out there as evidenced by the magazine cover she did and she’s HOT …  not to mention she can REALLY sing.

Scream out loud, “I love big women”

This post is pretty old, but this “Big Love” article almost made me tear up. It was so touching.

It’s a column by Josh Max about loving fat women …

Slowly, liking fat girls stopped being something I needed to hide. I believe my preference is akin to liking polka or silent movies; not everyone is into it, but just because you are doesn’t make you a freak. You’re just a part of a lesser segment of society. I find many fat women profoundly beautiful to look at and touch, though I realize that by saying so I am embracing an altogether different standard of beauty than does most of the Western world.

His wife’s take on it:

And how does she feel about me and my passion for her body? “I love it,” she says. “For years I thought I would have to find someone who loved me in spite of my size, someone who would be willing to put up with it. To have someone adore me and my body is a gift.”

I know lots of fat people that feel that they have to find people that only love them for their personality. Why would anyone actually love their rolls and cellulite? It’s nice to hear of other people that have found that connection — that embrace the fat — instead of avoid it.

As someone I know once said about the his about-to-be-wife’s looks — “She’s a 2, but ….” I don’t want a “but.” Ever. I want to end up with someone that thinks I’m beautiful inside and out.

Would insults motivate you to get skinny?

Could you be insulted and belittled into getting fit?

A guy that owns a gym in Denver is using extreme negative reinforcement — including insults, embarrassing nickname and actually throwing stuff.

What do you guys think of this? Would it work for you?

I think I would just get really angry. It is some of the same things that fat people have to fight against every day. So why would I pay for people to do this to me? To belittle me, to make me feel inferior (I guess inferior to skinny people?). This does not seem like a good idea — for anyone.

Even if it works, and you lose the weight, wouldn’t you always need negative reinforcement to stay skinny? Perhaps not, but it might just lead to bad, abusive relationships in other parts of your life.

Doesn’t seem like a good idea to me.